Most women are caught in a tug-of-war between who they think they should be and who they are; between what they want to do and what they are actually able to do. In other words, you are at the mercy of your guilt demons. Your feelings of guilt often prevent you from taking care of yourself. Most of the time, these feelings stem from unrealistic expectations. You have impossible ideals that you strive to live up to" ?ideals such as, "I must always put other people's needs first,"? or "I should never disappoint anyone."? These kinds of standards are not only impossible to meet, but they are harmful to your well-being.

Guilt is a major roadblock to taking care of yourself. There's always a list of things that have to be done that take precedence over attending to your needs. Then there's the fear of who you'll disappoint if you occasionally make yourself a priority. But stop and consider for a moment that when you put yourself last on the list and allow guilt to run your life the person who you continually disappoint is yourself.

Don't worry, there is something you can do" ?in fact, you must do. Most of you have an idealized image of what good parents, good employees, good daughters, good wives should be, and are haunted by these images of perfection. Rather than confront the comparison between the idealized images and your actual self, many of you feel inadequate and guilt-ridden because you can't match up to your own impossibly high standards.

You have a choice, you can either adjust your standards so that they more closely match reality or you can change your behavior. In the majority of cases, we would suggest you get rid of those ludicrous expectations. Remember Super Woman? She's not dead" ?she never existed. It's time to admit that you are a mere human who has needs of her own.

For those of you who are parents, we have news for you. In case you haven't noticed, the times have changed. In the past, the "average" family meant a breadwinning father and a mother who stayed home with the children. Today only 6 percent of families fit this description. In the majority of homes in America both parents now work outside the home, even when there are children of preschool and elementary school age. Blended families and single-parent families are fast becoming the rule rather than the exception. Our roles have changed along with the demands made on us, yet our internal standards for ourselves often are not a practical match for our actual living situations.

If you are a mother and breadwinner, I challenge you, to become realistic about what you can do in a day. You don't have to live up to the expectations of your mother, and you don't have to meet every demand of your children or husband.