I should have been happy according to the standards society projects, but I wasnt. I was married, had five wonderful children, a degree in music, chaired many organizations, was very creative, and had been teaching piano with much success for many years while receiving continuous praise for my many accomplishments. I had a comfortable lifestyle so to the world I had plenty, and although I was grateful for those blessings, on the inside I was unhappy, distraught, restless, and eventually became ill as a result of all the buried negative feelings I had stuffed away. My marriage was less than optimal, often leaving me confused, unhappy, and frustrated, so I poured my heart into child-raising. I loved my role as mom, but one day a frightening thought entered my awareness my children were growing up. Then the inevitable occurred and they began to leave home, which left me wondering what was going to happen to me since they had been the center of my life. We moved to Atlanta during which time illness struck me, and it took me three years to heal through alternative modalities. Through the process of healing with these alternative methods, I learned new ways to think and be. Then one day, with no trepidation, I knew it was time to leave my husband. Unhappiness had hung over us like a constricting dark cloud for many years, which felt as if my life force was slowly being suffocated. That day began a complete metamorphosis for me that was going to take me into places of which I had no idea. I was letting go of old beliefs and attachments to what was supposed to be and began living in the present moment of what I knew was real. Im not suggesting divorce as a way out of problems, but only as a way of freedom to be yourself if the relationship no longer nurtures you and raises you to a higher level. Running away doesnt solve the issue, but confronting the issue, realizing change is necessary, and then taking action steps to make the change is empowering. From the moment of my divorce, painful and scary as it was being truly on my own for the first time in my life, and having two children still at home, I knew I was on the right tract. I finally realized I couldnt fix anything, so it was time to let go. So many individuals remain in unhappy relationships, whether personal or business, because they think they have no choice. You always have a choice! I had stayed because of children, finances, security, doubt, fear, all the wrong reasons but after 32 years I saw the light that was beckoning for me to walk to it. What did I find when I walked into that light? Amazing possibilities! Over the course of the next five years, I took a speaking course and learned to become a public speaker definitely not something I ever thought a possibility for me - wrote my first book about my life and the lessons learned, understood how to love and value myself, wrote another book about the journey to empowerment through knowing real love, created seminars and trainings that I presented, became somewhat proficient on the computer, opened my own business, became a wholeness coach, all of which I had never done before and never dreamed would be part of my life. But the most important thing I realized in all of this is who I am. It was a process for sure, but I also understood that all those years I had been expecting my husband, children, friends, accomplishments, accolades, and what I produced to fill me up and make me happy. But none could. I learned that nothing in my external realm could ever make me happy; it was up to me to create my own happiness from within me. This involved finding my purpose for this life and living it, and thats what I was doing through my speaking, writing, and coaching. Many new doors were opening and I was walking through them. Was I ever scared? You betcha. But I kept walking no matter what and miracles unfolded in my life. Understand that it was a process, putting one foot in front of the other one step at a time. Change, growth, transformation is not a quick fix scenario by any means, and all growth requires both time and a few of those growing pains along the journey. Very important in this process of growth is learning to be quiet, sitting still in the present moment. In this place of being quiet you can learn who you really are. As you rush from here to there, it is impossible to hear inner guidance or new insights because youre too busy doing. As I spent many hours alone, oftentimes bemoaning my present life situation of aloneness, I felt the presence of God in a way Id never felt before. It was also in this place of quiet that I began to understand who I was and what I wanted my life to be. If I had remained in the destructive, non-nurturing, going nowhere relationship I was living in, I wouldnt have moved into this new territory and become the person I am meant to be. Why? By remaining I would have been giving away my power and staying stuck. The fear to move out would have been keeping me under its control. Attachments to people and things so often keep a person from moving forward in their life, and this is a life of smallness rather than one of empowerment. Remaining in the place of comfortable does not allow growth! As I look back at the changes in my life, I can see that by taking that first step, the step I had wanted to take for some time but was too afraid to do, was the step that broke me free and allowed me to fly. That one step has given me an entirely different life, one that is magical and extraordinary every day. The decision to leave a long marriage was not what allowed this life for me, but it was the decision to move forward and become the person who I really am inside. I finally listened to that inner voice that whispered for me to go, not because I was a coward and was giving up, but because I was strong enough to make it alone as an empowered being. By listening to my inner guidance and making the choice to move with it, I allowed possibilities of great magnitude to appear in my life. As a result of listening, I am able to give back to the world and help others along their life journey, and that fills me up to overflowing. This brings great happiness and joy into my life. I have reinvented my life and it is exciting to be living in it! Are you stuck in your life at this present moment? Afraid to take that first step? What is it thats keeping you paralyzed? Does it feel as if you are in prison? Know this, the first step is the hardest. Once you commit to moving forward and you take that shaky first step, the rest is much easier. Realize theres no going back. But then why would you want to go back? Think about where you are right now and where youd really like to be. Remember this: whether you remain in prison or take that life-changing first step into unknown territory, its your choice! Carolyn Porter, D. Div.
Empower Productions, Inc.
www.drcarolynporter.com
info@drcarolynporter.com |
