When you meet new people for the first time, do you usually like most of the new people that you meet? Or do you find that you usually dislike new people, unless they can eventually prove after a long time that they deserve your friendship? Perhaps you have never thought about this before. And you may even wonder if it's really important. Does it really matter very much if you like most people when you first meet them, or if you decide to like them much later, after you get to know them better? Your attitude to the new people you encounter will actually have a big impact on the number of friends you make, and the social life you enjoy. Why? Because the attitude you have when you first meet somebody will affect the way that you treat those people, and the impression you make on them. When you have the attitude of liking someone you have just met, they will feel pleased to know you and will want to know you better. They will probably sense that you like them, and they will be more inclined to judge you in a kind and positive way. If you like most of the people you encounter, you will have a far larger group of people in your friendship pool. When you genuinely like other people, they will be much more inclined to like you back. On the other hand, when you don't like people when you meet them, they will feel uncomfortable in your presence and will want to avoid you. They may sense that you don't like them. They may even decide to dislike you in return. Every person that you dislike will automatically be excluded from the pool of people who can become your friends. When you don't like the majority of people that you meet, your friendship pool for making friends is much smaller. If there is one secret to having friends, it's a simple one, and here it is: Like Other People! If you dislike almost everyone you meet, how many friends do you think you will make with this attitude? Very few of us want to get closer to a person when we sense that he doesn't like us. If you usually operate with a big long mental list of reasons to reject others, you will assume that other people are also deciding to reject you. If you routinely dislike other people because you are looking for their flaws, you won't believe that others can really like you. When you reject other people for trivial reasons, you will also assume that others will reject you for trivial reasons. This negative attitude will make you very suspicious when you encounter others, since you will be anticipating rejection from other people at any moment. Wouldn't it be easier and more effective to give everyone a break? When you meet other people, give other people a break, and give yourself a break too. When you meet people for the first time, start out with the assumption that most people you encounter are nice human beings and worthy of your friendship. You can choose to believe that just about everybody you meet actually likes you, and that you like most other people. People who are very socially confident and have a lot of friends tend to have this attitude. If this hasn't been your attitude so far, you can work to change it. How can you change this? Whenever you meet someone new, actively look for things to like in that person. Look for their interesting and unique qualities. Suspend your need to judge and analyze others, and simply meet them as ordinary human beings who are struggling and evolving, and making their way through life, just like you. Find things that you like about each person, and let yourself feel that you actually like them. You will find that when your attitude changes, the world will become a friendlier place, because you have become a friendlier person. |
