The other day I was watching Oprah one of my favorite shows for many reasons but, that would be another subject. The topic was unfit mothers. Trust me it was more than evident that some of the guests there had some serious issues due to the amount of abuse or neglect that they place their children in. However, there is something that really bothered me, they had numerous recordings of women that called saying that they believed they were unfit mothers because they get angry at their children and feel frustrated at times. Was I hearing right? Give me a break? Are moms not supposed to have feelings? Hmmm! Let me see, " Once in a while when I am about to finish an article my one year old comes with the cheesiest smile and turns off the computer. If the article is not saved I lose it completely. " How about you are trying to think straight and you have a toddler screaming mommy, mommy, mommy, I want juice, a toy, food, etc. " Have you ever finished cleaning and just when you think you can sit down your child spills something in the floor? " Or my all time favorite when ever I take my girls to a special place. I feel that I will be happy by just seeing them have a good time; and what they do? They spend the whole time crying and bickering. Think again! All these things bother me and I say it even if people nod their heads with disbelief and think "what a terrible mom". Moms are humans too you know, we have the right to feel tired, angry, happy, excited etc. Unlike those 60's shows were mom was always available and eager to please the whole family with a big smile. You want to know what I think? There is no way that a person can focus on everyone else and never do anything to fulfill them selves and be content in life. So, here is the key to being a better mom? Take care of yourself first! These women that were frustrated are probably too busy trying to be perfect mothers and neglect themselves. Therefore, they probably resent their children and even their partners because they have given up their true identities. Why do I say true identity? Being a mom is only one of the many roles that we play in life. Remember who you were before you had children: your hobbies, aspirations, life motto. Who was the person that your partner felt in love with? Or friends and family once knew? It is not like you are a computer that once you become a mom your whole Identity gets erased and you automatically become super mom. Trust me; I went thru this stage when I had my first daughter. I was all about her until; I took a real look at the stranger in the mirror staring at me. She no longer had her own illusions; she had neglected her physical appearance and most importantly did not like what she saw. That's when I decided that not only was I aiming to be a good mom but, it was also my personal goal to not lose myself in the process. Now, I have given up work outside but, have remained independent by working at home, follow my dreams, allow space to grow and take care of myself (physically, emotionally). The result of it: I am happier which automatically helps me be more patient, appreciative, and loving not to mention a better role model. But, always keep in mind there is no perfect mom. Just like any other role in life you will learn along the way. If you believe that you do not handle your frustrations effectively then it would be good to take anger or stress management classes or if you would like to enhance your parenting skill go to the Center for Improving Child Caring http://www.ciccparenting.org/cicc_fpcs_13.asp they offer free classes in most states, free childcare is available while you are in class. "It will not be fair to mistreat your children so, seek out help if necessary." Just some advise from another mom, Kenia Morales ------------------------------ You may reprint this article as long as no changes are made without permission and hyperlink is maintained active. |
