Have you ever been about to say yes to a proposal, but something held you back?

Maybe it was a barely perceptible inner voice that said: I dont trust this person!

Do you wonder where it comes from? This judgment, that were in the presence of someone who is going to let us down, or perhaps has already secretly decided to take advantage?

This only happens to me rarely, but when it does, my first response is to give whatever proposal Im considering at least a little more time. If someone is trying to con you, generally thats one thing hell avoid, because he wants you to act impulsively, to overcome your natural inhibitions and self-protective instincts.

But creating a time buffer isnt always sufficient, because some people are perpetrating the long con. This, by definition, is a scheme that takes place over time. Its a big stakes game, requiring deeper and deeper trust on the part of the victim, the mark.

In fact, in a long con, the perpetrator may challenge the mark to take his time, showing what appears to be nonchalance and all of the patience in the world. The mark is induced to feel that he sets the pace. Nobody is pressuring him, no sir!

I believe there are some telltale signs that were dealing with someone we shouldnt trust:

(1) Explicit Contradictions

Do they tell you one thing on a certain occasion, and then the story seems noticeably out of alignment a short time later?

For instance, a person who claims to be a fitness nut over the phone, but who steps outside for frequent smoking breaks when you meet, in person, is conning himself.

How can he be straight with you?

(2) Implicit Contradictions

A person who claims to be financially well off but who drives a car with vintage body damage is either eccentric or its more likely that he used the insurance proceeds from the crash to pay other pressing bills. Holes in the shoes and poor or ragged haircuts tell a similar story.

I realize that there are frugal people who are millionaires, and one famous billionaire, Warren Buffett, is known to drive modest cars and to still live in the house he occupied when he was just starting his career. Still, he may not be my definition of dapper, but hes presentable.

(3) His Supporting Cast: Are They Supportive?

Few of us operate all by ourselves. We have cohorts around us. How do they perform? Are they at ease, attending to their own business, or are they showing signs that theyre monitoring your interaction with the guy you suspect of being untrustworthy? If they pay too much attention to how hes doing with you, whether youre falling under the spell, or if they seem hostile toward him, thats a tip-off all is not well.

(4) Are You In The Presence of A Predator?

We all have a sixth sense for danger, though I believe weve been talked out of tuning into it. But animals still have it. Watch them, and youll start to get yours back.

For instance, a number of years ago I assisted an elderly relative to market a property she owned in a rough, gang occupied part of town. It wasnt pleasant. I took Blue with me, my lumbering, but very quiet and gentle Doberman.

A realtor met us at the property with his assistant, and he started criticizing the property, referring to the gang problem, continuing vandalism, and the like. Then, he made an offer to buy it.

At that moment, Blue started growling at him!

It was a first! Never before had I heard this sound coming from my four-legged buddy.

The realtor lost it. Is he growling at me?

What could I say? I dont see anybody else around here!

Anyway, Blue tipped me off, and sure enough, about a month later, I lined up a genuine buyer who offered twice as much for the place.

To this day, Im convinced Blue knew exactly what kind of predator we were facing.

I have declined to do business on strictly financial grounds, and a few of those decisions Ive come to regret. I admit that.

But Ive never regretted walking away from a deal because of a lack of trust. To me, trust is essential, and its simply not negotiable.

When you feel you cant trust someone, you probably can trust yourself on that!

Dr. Gary S. Goodman 2006