Building strong relationships is all about having two sides appreciate each other and want to build a bond that works both ways.

This can generate the enormous benefits of collaboration, which is a valuable interchange of ideas and effort that is better than one plus one.

When you are a boss, it's quite natural to take the lead in conversations, and those who work for you usually take the subordinate role as a matter of course - it's what they've always done!

So you need to do more to make them feel an equal partner with you in the ventures you undertake. You need to make a special effort to show them how much you value what they say, as a way of encouraging them.

One special way can be particularly effective.

This is a small step you can take in every conversation, which, like magic, makes a massive difference to how you are perceived in any relationship.

It is not a difficult skill to learn and you can start right away.

When you are in conversation (any conversation!), ask another question about what they have told you.

That's it, just one more question about what your conversation partner has been saying - about anything!

What does this do? Here are twelve great benefits to this...

1. It shows you are listening and paying attention

2. It shows that what has been said is valuable

3. It values the person you have been talking to

4. Psychologically, it builds trust between you because you have shown you care

5. It develops the conversation and they will tell you even more

6. It enables them to realise that there is someone who they can share their thoughts, ideas, hopes and fears with

7. They can also start to approach you outside conversations started by you

8. It makes you appear out of the ordinary - in fact a bit of a hero - you listen, and most others in your position don't

9. It creates new approaches which may well be of real value

10. Questioning becomes much less extraordinary, more the natural way

11. It helps you develop a conversational style which will help you do more, go further, involve others too

12. You can do it with your boss - see what the results are!

It is the start of a change of culture, to one where everyone values the input and involvement of each other - and that can be a most rewarding exercise.

Not least that you are making strong, supportive and encouraging bonds with each one of your people, one at a time.

And that is what 99% of bosses and leaders don't do.

With this simple tool - ask another question about what they have been saying, you can make the difference - and you will!

Martin Haworth

Thanks for taking a look at me! I work with people to help them realise their potential and make the most of their life. I also help managers to get the very best from their people, to make their businesses, teams, departments, whatever, to be successful.

Usually this is through my 'Coaching Managers to Coach' workshops, delivered worldwide, which includes experiential and hot-seat coaching for all participants - a great, fun learning experience. Click the big green link panel on any of the website pages!

There are over 1000 hints and tips, and that doesn't include the blog, which is updated pretty well daily, if not more often!

With a background in team management of groups from 6-300 and a great ICF coaching accreditation, I reckon I'm almost unique in my experience and training to make this work for you.

So take a look, checkout my other articles and maybe even set the blog page as a favourite:-) And, you know, if you want to get in touch, give me a call. I'll talk about almost anything, but I love helping people make the best of their workplace. Or e-mail me through the contact page on the site.

Ooops, I nearly forgot, I do manager soft-skills analysis with a programme called 'Intercept' and if you just want some one-to-one business coaching, I do that too. There's also a button on the navigation bar on the website pages for that too.

Fees, well, let me see, can I say that we can work something out? That's the way I work.

Thanks for happening by!

Martin